


everything carries me to you

by featherpluckn



Series: everything carries me to you [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-10-19 06:29:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/featherpluckn/pseuds/featherpluckn
Summary: What happens when you just can't quit someone?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm new to the fandom and slash writing in general. I just had some feels that had to come out apparently. Any constructive criticism is definitely welcome. 
> 
> This fic is hopefully the first part of what I plan to be a three part story. There is some language and adult situations but nothing too explicit in this chapter.
> 
> The title of the story comes from "If You Forget Me" by Pablo Neruda.
> 
> Happy reading :)

Jamin had always found Shane attractive. This was an undeniable truth.

The first night they met, Shane handed him a fist full of drink tickets outside some hole in the wall dive bar, grabbed his ass, and said “We’re gonna make out in the bathroom later”. 

Jamin laughed it off with his friends, “That twink is cute but so not my type. I don’t go for delusional.”

Fate was a fickle bitch however because at 3 AM Jamin was pressed into a grimy bathroom stall wondering how in the hell he ended up with Delusional Twink’s tongue down his throat. After about 10 minutes and making him almost come in his pants like it was his first time all over again, Delusional Twink produced a pen from god knows where and scribbled his number down Jamin’s forearm. “My name is Shane. Call me if you want to finish this somewhere a little more horizontal.” 

*

The first time the two fucked, they were in full drag and on the couch in the manager’s office of one of the nicer clubs in Brooklyn. Fucking in drag was definitely not something Jamin usually did but the way Shane moaned around his dick and wanted him to go “Harder. Faster. Yes! Fuck me like you mean it. I love your cock! OH!!” Well, Jamin made an exception. 

Shane giggled and thanked him afterwards. Jamin’s heart grew three sizes like the god damn Grinch because who the fuck takes a dick like that but has a smile that could make flowers bloom and droughts end and blind men see?

With that same sugar sweet smile on his face he leaves Jamin sitting there with his dick out and a promise to see him again soon. Jamin hopes this leaving when they are getting somewhere is not going to become a pattern. Because he cannot figure out if Shane is afraid of being vulnerable or afraid of being vulnerable with him. Either way this fluttery feeling in his chest is getting super annoying. 

*

The first time he broke Shane’s heart, it nearly destroyed him. They had been hooking up off and on for years. Every time they were within 50 feet of each other the night ended with one of them bent over the nearest available surface. 

Over time though, Thorgy was getting more work and Acid Betty was getting less. Jamin began turning his freelance graphic design into an honest to god career. The times their paths crossed dwindled until one night Jamin went to see Thorgy at a gig. Her performance was insanely entertaining as usual. It took quite a while after the number for Jamin to find her and when he did, Thorgy of course was talking animatedly to anyone and everyone. She finally looked up after downing a shot with some guy who Jamin noticed was standing way too close and waved. 

“Betty!” 

“Hey, Thorg! Great show!”

Thorgy smiled in that adorable eye crinkling way she had. “Thanks, girl. I’m glad you could make it. Let me take off my face and we can get a couple of drinks.”

Jamin ended up joining Shane at the bar with a couple of mutual friends drinking one too many beers and downing three too many shots. They eventually end up in the alley behind the club, kissing messily with their hands down each others pants. 

And as much as he was enjoying making out, he wanted to make Shane scream tonight. It had been too long. 

Jamin pulled away “Do you mind if I call us a cab and we take this back to my place?” 

“I don’t mind at all.” Shane’s eyes lit up and he dove in for one last kiss while Jamin was digging his phone from his back pocket. 

Just as he was pulling up the number and Shane found that one spot right under his chin, the back door of the club slammed open and a guy stumbled out while simultaneously vomiting the contents of the entire bar on every available surface. This included but was not limited to the bottom half of Shane and Jamin. The guy promptly stumbled back into a mountain of trash bags and passed out but the damage was done. 

If there is one thing Jamin cannot do, it is listen to someone vomit without losing his lunch as well. In a split second, he has his elbows on his knees and Shane’s hand is rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. His cheeks are burning with embarrassment as he straightens up wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“Um, on second thought I think I’m going to take that cab by myself.” Jamin laughs self consciously and begins to walks away. 

He turns back when he hears an uncharacteristically reserved voice “Why don’t we go get cleaned up together and maybe find something to do after if you’re feeling better? We could even go back to my place. I have some shit TiVo’d that I’ve been meaning to watch for months. I just feel like I haven’t seen much of you lately and I’d like to fix that...”

The look in Shane’s eyes is nervous and hopeful and so fucking raw Jamin has to look away. And in that moment he realizes Shane wants more. Probably wants more pretty badly if he’s willing to cuddle on the couch or whatever after being sprayed with vomit. It’s completely terrifying. He would be responsible for this man’s heart and it is a big wonderful good heart.A heart that he is giving willingly and openly and wants to share with Jamin. It’s too much. 

It’s way too fucking much.

That fluttery feeling is back except it is now accompanied by a pounding heart and sweaty palms and a voice in his head saying he is not good enough. He can’t do this. 

“You know, I think I just want to take a shower and go to bed.” He gestures down his body. “Tonight has been a lot.”

Shane’s eyes shutter and a smile takes over his face that is definitely forced. And with a little laugh Shane says “Yeah, girl. Sure. I hear you, girl. Um. I guess I’ll see you around.”

With a shaky nod, Jamin walks away throwing that heart back like a goddamn hot potato before it can burn either of them. 

*

The first time Jamin realizes they are honest to god friends it is too late to be anything more. He hasn’t seen Shane in over a year. Jamin has thrown himself into his day job. So much so, that Acid Betty has all but faded into the ether of night life. Nothing but a mythological cunt with looks for your nerves. 

Jamin has been okay with that or he thought he was okay with that until he got a wild hair and actually sent a tape in for drag race casting. Nothing will come of it he knows but you never know if you don’t try right?

There is a new coffee spot a few blocks down from Jamin’s apartment. It has amazing espresso and free wifi so on a rainy Saturday afternoon he settles down to catch up on some email.

Somewhere between the third email to his sister and finishing his first coffee he hears it. And fuck, he would know that cackle anywhere. Embarrassingly enough, he hears it in his dreams. He smiles a true smile and turns before he can stop himself. 

The smile does not last long. Standing at the counter lit from behind by the sunlight streaming in through the glass storefront like this is some kind of goddamn rom com and not his fucking life, is Shane but he is not alone. He has someone with him. Of course he does. The man is hanging off his arm and looking up at him with literal heart eyes. He is objectively fucking gorgeous. Beautiful caramel skin, meticulously groomed beard, tattoos peeking out from one sleeve of his fitted t-shirt, and when he turns around to grab his drink from the barista of course he has an incredible ass. Jamin hates him already. 

Before he can apparate the hell out of there, Shane spots him. 

“Jamin? Hey!” Jamin waves awkwardly and Shane shimmies his shoulders and makes his way over leaving Beardy to catch up much to Jamin’s amusement. 

“Hey, Shane. How have you been?”

“In-credible! How have you been? It’s been a long time.” By this time, Beardy has made his way over and is standing beside Shane looking at him like he hung the moon and he may not like the guy but he does know how he feels. 

“I’m great. Working like crazy on a few design projects but good, good. Who’s your friend?”

“Oh! This is Sam. Sam, this is Jamin. An old friend, who crossed over into the land of the living.”

“Hi, Jamin. I’m sorry Shane but I really do have to run. I’ll give you a call later. Nice to meet you.”

Jamin found something extremely interesting in his email when Shane goes to kiss Sam goodbye. When he looks up Shane is watching him with a look he cannot or does not want to decipher at the moment. 

“He seems nice.” Jamin tries to sound casual and interested and not at all like he is remembering that Shane always kisses like it is the first and last time he will ever get to do it. 

Shane smirks and shakes his head and Jamin is 80% sure he sees straight through his bullshit.

“He is nice. He is very nice. Knows what he wants and goes for it.” Well that cut right to the fucking quick or not at all. It’s hard to tell with Shane because he goes right into the next subject with no pause and a smile on his face. “Are you expecting someone? Can I sit for a minute? It feels like it has been forever since we had the chance to catch up.”

“No. No, it’s fine. I’d like that.”

They talk about gigs gone right and wrong, this new greasy diner Jamin discovered and knows Shane will like because they offer about a dozen different types of pancakes at all hours of the day and night, the up and down weather lately and how it killed the plants Shane decided to buy on that one nice day last week, and the whole conversation Jamin aches to already know these things. To be the one that helped him pick out that plant. The one that convinced him to try those Breakfast in Bed pancakes with the bacon in the batter. But he is not and it is his fault it’s like this. So now he has to live with it. 

“Shit!”

Jamin is jerked back to the present by the expletive. “What is it?”

“I have a thing tonight and I really should already be home getting ready.”

“Oh. Well, I guess you need to get going then.”

Shane bends down to retrieve his bag. Then Jamin has a thought. 

“What did you do for your video this year?”

“What video?”

“Your drag race audition.”

“Ah. Well, I’m not doing one this year. It’s been seven years. I think it’s time to stop bugging them.” Shane laughs and looks for Jamin’s agreement but if there’s one thing he knows is true and will not bend on, it is that Thorgy is a fucking force of nature and the world needs to see it.

“Seriously? Do what you want but I think you should send one every season until they get their heads out of their asses and cast you.”

Shane looks genuinely shocked as Jamin continues. “I’m serious, Thorg. There hasn’t been anyone else like you on that shitshow because there is no one else like you. You are talented and fun and you can turn a fucking show. You belong there. Tell them why.”

There’s a moment of silence. Then, Shane launches himself at Jamin pulling him into an awkward hug because of course the only hug that has not ended in sex for them includes a laptop and a table between them

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. Just send that tape, bitch.”

“I might do just that. I really do need to get going.” Shane look sincerely disappointed when he stands up. “Let’s not wait another 18 months to speak to each other. I miss your face, girl.”

“I miss you too, Shane. Let’s meet up for some drinks soon.”

*  
Of course they don’t.

The next time Jamin sees Shane it is three months later surrounded by fake pink bricks, five cameras, and ten other queens out for their blood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Mindy and Lucy for talking me through the Writer Crazies :D

Jamin should have known this was all going to go tits up.

He had convinced himself that he and Shane were friends. They could be just friends. Even if he felt differently or thought Shane felt differently it didn’t matter. At this point, there were other queens around them almost 24 hours a day, not to mention cameras and microphones recording their every move. So this was definitely not the time nor the place to have some soul searching heart stopping realization about feelings he may or may not harbor for Thorgy motherfucking Thor.

The show was a pressure cooker. The producers moved them through the day at breakneck speed only to put them somewhere to wait while they repositioned cameras or lights until everyone’s sanity was in question. Honestly, it was a lot but it was fun. Jamin was prepared and felt confident he could deliver on the runway if nowhere else. 

Case in point, the first challenge. The dress he constructed was gorgeous, creative, and most of all left everyone gagging. When it was all said and done, Jamin was in the top two with praise from the judges and a great start to the competition. 

When everything finally wrapped up that day the queens were all waiting for the vans to take them back to their hotel. Technically, they weren’t supposed to be interacting but everyone was buzzing with the fact they made it through the first challenge. 

Jamin was talking with Bob about that hideously fabulous purse he made when he felt a distinctly pointed chin land on his shoulder.

“Congratulations Betty! That dress was amazing!” Shane’s breath was way too close to Jamin’s ear making him shiver involuntarily. Shane didn’t comment on it. Just quickly squeezed his shoulders and moved around to stand beside Bob. 

“What about my dress, Thorg? I was serving you newly-single-mom-on-a-budget-at-Wal-Mart realness!”

Shane practically rolled his eyes to the back of his head, “It was a beautiful garment made out of curtains, Bob.” 

Bob grabbed him and kissed him on both cheeks, “Bless you, my clown child.”

“Get the fuck off of me, bitch” Shane said through a laugh, slapping at him. Bob skipped away chuckling, leaving Shane and Jamin semi alone for the first time since they arrived. 

“We’ve been around each other for days and I haven’t gotten the chance to ask how you’ve been the last couple of months.”  
“Busy as always, girl!”

Jamin really tried to stop what came out of his mouth next. He really did. It wasn’t his business. 

What or who Shane did was absolutely none of his business and he tried to tell himself that. But it didn’t exactly work.

“How’s Sam?”

Shane looked perplexed for half a second, “Who?”

“Sam. Your boyfriend. You introduced me to him the last time I saw you.”

“Oh! Sam! I guess he’s good. I wouldn’t know. We only hooked up a few times and left it at that. There was no chemistry, you know what I mean? Definitely not my boyfriend.”

Well, then. Those homicidal fantasies seem a bit like overkill in hindsight. “Yeah. I know what you mean. Like us?” Jamin wasn’t sure what possessed him to bring that up in the middle of this Stress Circus but he did. So that’s that.

Shane tilted his head and looked at Jamin like he had grown a foot out of the side of his face.

“No. Absolutely nothing like us.” 

Fuck. 

“Jamin, do you reall-” but he never got the chance to hear the rest of that sentence. The vans pulled up with the worst timing in the history of the universe. Shane just gave him half of a smile and squeezed his hand. The whole time the PAs were corralling them into the vehicles Shane kept stealing glances at Jamin. It was unnerving in the best way possible. 

*

Jamin knew Thorgy would do amazingly well. He wasn’t lying when he told Shane that he deserved to be on this show. They even got to work together in most of the group challenges which didn’t help the annoying ache starting to develop every time he was in close contact with him. 

Obviously, the two had history but he could count the times they had been around each other without sex being involved on one hand. The addition of clothes and lack of lust made it all too clear that Shane was someone he wanted to get to know on a real level. With this realization, Jamin started noticing little things about Shane through the haze of glitter and runway lights. 

First, Shane was fucking adorable. That’s not a word Jamin usually used to describe people or really anything for that matter but it fit in this situation. There was the way his eyes scrunched behind those Harry Potter glasses when he smiled. The way he almost knocked out whoever he was talking to with his hands. The way he genuinely gets excited about anything and everything. Finding Jamin’s eyes first after any announcement in the workroom to share in his enthusiasm, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Shane is a six foot tall grown ass man but Jamin wants to stick him in his pocket to protect him and hiss at anyone who would do him harm. 

Second, Shane was a huge flirt. Jamin knew that on some level but with this new clarity of what his feelings towards him actually were it became much more acute. The man had absolutely no shame in staring at Laila’s ass and telling Laila she had a nice ass and smacking said ass and giggling repeatedly about Laila’s reaction. Jamin knew, intimately, that he couldn’t resist a nice butt. He couldn’t sit properly at work for almost two days after Shane realized that wasn’t padding under all of Betty’s dresses. The thought of someone else getting all of Shane’s attention was confusingly infuriating.

Third, Shane was super fucking in his head. About everything. All of the time. This was an observation that was a bit more concerning. He truly was a Gemini in every sense of the word. Jamin could tell Shane knew he was talented. He had confidence and wasn’t afraid to go for what he wanted. On the flip side, he stressed about everything. Shane worried about getting every beat of his verse in Bitch Perfect absolutely in sync, which of course he did. It looked like he was actually fucking singing. It should have made Jamin mad because they were competing against each other but he was just so proud of him. 

Shane ran Naysha through the choreography for the Empire challenge so many times Jamin was pretty sure everyone on their team could do it blindfolded. Even after he received nothing but praise from the judges, he knew it bothered him that he didn’t win. They de-dragged next to each other and Shane spent the entire time wondering out loud what he could have done differently. Jamin finally couldn’t take it anymore and had to try to make him see what everyone else was seeing. 

“Thorgy they loved you. This is a marathon, not a sprint. What matters is winning when it counts. You just have to do well enough to make it to the end.”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry for unloading all of this on you. I should keep the voices in my head where they belong.”

Jamin gently touched his shoulder to get his attention. “There are worse things than unloading on a friend. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling but don’t let it get in the way of what everyone else is trying to tell you.”

Shane had stopped fussing with his tights and padding and was staring at Jamin. It looked like he wanted to say something but looked around and stopped himself. He touched the hand sitting on his shoulder and nodded instead. 

Jamin smiled, nodded, and cleared his throat, “And stop talking about my friend Thorgy like that, bitch.”

Shane cackled and threw his hip pads at Jamin’s head. 

Team NYC got to work together for the New Wave challenge. It all seemed like a good idea at the beginning but Jamin quickly realized putting personalities like Bob and Thorgy together could be fucking amazing or result in the show’s first triple elimination. By dinner break that night, everyone was exhausted. They had finally gotten lyrics written, recorded their track, and started on some choreography. The queens were all sitting around chatting about their favorite meals back home. Jamin looked up to find Shane’s eyes in commiseration because if he heard ChiChi talk about turkey necks one more time he was going to scream. 

But Shane wasn’t sitting around the table with everyone, which was so unlike him Jamin got a bit worried. He was off to the side at a table by himself with his headphones in picking at a burrito bowl. If he knows Shane at all, he knows he is sitting over there dwelling on every little thing he did today that could be perceived as a mistake. Well, that wouldn’t do. 

Jamin knows Shane only had a yogurt for breakfast and no lunch, claiming he was “too deep in the artistic process” to take a break. He couldn’t do much about turning off the voices in Shane’s head but he could make sure he had something in his stomach. 

Jamin snagged a packet of those crumbly goddamn granola bars from the craft service cart that Shane liked so much and made his way over.

He sat down on the stool beside of him and bumped his shoulder. “Hey what did that chicken ever do to you?”

Shane looked down and seemed surprised he had shredded his chicken beyond recognition. He took out one of his earbuds and cracked half of a smile. “He knows what he did.”

Jamin laughed and tossed the granola bars in Shane’s lap. “Here. At least eat these. I don’t want you passing out while we’re trying to learn our number.”

“I’m really too worried to eat. I think Bob hates me. I’m going to be on a team that completely fucking bombs a music challenge. Me! Music! Losing! That headpiece needs to be repainted because it just looks, I don’t know. Off? My knees are killing me and-”

“Wow, Thorgles. How does that all fit in your head? Bob doesn’t hate you. He’s just really fucking annoyed with you right now and I think it’s safe to say the feeling is mutual.” 

“You got that right.”

“And I take offense to the fact that you think we are going to bomb this music challenge. We’re Team NYC! We got this! And oh my sweet baby Jesus if you redo that headpiece one more time I’m going to stick it up your ass.”

“I might like that.”

Jamin chuckled, “You probably would. For real though, I know you’re probably too keyed up to eat and it really is up to you but try to eat something, please.”

Jamin had never seen someone tear open a package more aggressively than Shane in that moment. 

“You better be glad you were just really fucking sweet to me” 

Shane laid his head on Jamin’s shoulder and offered him the other ear bud. “Do you want to listen to the song with me a couple of more times?”

“As long as you don’t get crumbs all over me.”

Shane took an obnoxiously big bite of his snack making pieces of granola fly everywhere. “I make no such promises.”

“Asshole.” Jamin put the earbud in and smiled. 

Their team ended up killing the performance. Betty was safe but it was close. He thanks the old gods and the new for his ability to change species. Of course, Thorgy was in the top yet again and yet again Jamin was surprised at the swelling affection and pride he felt for his friend. 

When they finally made it back to the hotel and were waiting for the elevator to take them to their rooms for the night, Shane leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Thank you for last night. It helped me get out of my head even if it was just for a little while.”

“Anytime. It was nothing.”

Shane shook his head and kissed Jamin’s cheek, “It was everything.” 

*

Jamin getting eliminated was a definite buzzkill. His flight back to New York didn’t leave until early the next morning. He decided he was going to order a pizza and watch some shitty Desperate Hoarding Housewives of American Pickers marathon before passing out face down in a lumpy hotel mattress.

While he was finishing up his second slice and contemplating just what made someone want to save 257 decapitated dolls, Jamin thought he heard someone knocking on his door. If that PA was here to harass him about packing again he was going to scream. 

But it was not a PA.

Or it wasn’t only a PA.

Shane was standing there looking nervous as hell with the piece of tape from Jamin’s door hanging from his hand. Standing beside of him was an even more nervous PA holding the roll. Eric...maybe? Honestly, it’s hard to tell them apart. 

“Can I come in or are you going to get me sent home too?”

Jamin picked his jaw up off the floor and pulled the door open to let Shane through “Of course. Sure, yeah come in”

Eric chose this time to find his voice “I think I can give you 15 minutes. Just listen for the knock, Thorg”

Shane didn’t even turn around when he nodded and launched himself at Jamin before the door was even completely closed. 

The hug felt like fucking coming home. Jamin buried his nose in the fabric of Shane’s shirt and breathed and his whole body came alive. 

“How in the hell are you even here right now?”

“Sometimes it pays to be nice to people”

“Oh does it. I’ve nev…”

But that was apparently all Shane cared to hear about the subject because he closed the distance between them and dropped his forehead down to meet Jamin’s. 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me alone with these bitches.”

Jamin thought he felt wetness fall on the front of his t-shirt but when he tried to look up Shane was too close to focus on and anyway what he said next made it hard to think about anything other than what the fuck he was going to do without seeing this beautiful man every day.

“I am going to miss you so fucking much.”

And all Jamin could think of in response was to use his death grip on the back of Shane’s neck to pull him in for a kiss. It had been too long. 

Shane immediately deepened the kiss, licking at the seam of Jamin’s lips. There were few things in the world Jamin liked more than making out with him. It was somehow familiar and brand new all at once but when he had imagined kissing Shane again, it did not usually include the taste of their tears. 

Jamin pulled away forcing Shane to look at him. 

“Hey. It’s going to be okay.”

“I know.” Shane sucked in a deep breath, centering himself and seemingly coming to some sort of decision. “I know. We only have like 10 minutes so just shut up and let me send you home with a proper goodbye.”

And at that point he was done talking. 

Shane walked Jamin backwards toward the bed while taking off his shirt. Jamin hit the mattress and sat down hard watching Shane drop to his knees. 

The thought of what was coming had Jamin tenting his sweatpants and Shane hadn’t even touched him. Shane pulled him in for a quick kiss and reached for his waistband pulling both pants and underwear down and off in one quick motion. 

Shane kissed his way down Jamin’s neck and chest, biting at his collarbone and sucking a bruise above his heart. 

And you know what? Good. 

He wanted something beautiful to look at tomorrow. 

Shane ran his hands down his sides and over the V low on his waist and Jamin shivered, gooseflesh popping up everywhere he touched. 

He took Jamin’s cock in his hand and used his thumb to spread the moisture already gathered there. Shane licked his lips and moaned moving his hand to the base and using his tongue to lick up the vein on the underside.

Jamin’s strangled cry was much louder than he anticipated and he prayed that Eric had moved further down the hall or he was going to get one hell of an earful. He gathered dreads in his hands moving them out of the way and looked down to find Shane’s eyes already searching for his. 

Not breaking eye contact, Shane slowly stroked from root to tip and sucked just the head of Jamin’s cock into his mouth moving his tongue over the little ridge on the underside knowing how much that would turn him on. 

And of course it did. 

“Fuck, Shane,” Jamin whispered as he took him into his mouth fully. Shane’s mouth met his hand at the base and sucked all the way back up repeating the motion until Jamin was having a hard time not bucking into his mouth. Shane squeezed his thigh, moved his hand, and gave a slight nod and that was all the permission Jamin needed. He used his grip on Shane’s hair thrust up into his mouth and he felt Shane moan around him. 

That mouth is a fucking sin. How did live so long without it? No one should be able to bring someone to a babbling incoherent mess with just their mouth. And he definitely was. Jamin was thrusting shallowly into the tight wetness and of course Shane was taking it and then some.  
Shane put his free hands to good use, gently squeezing and tugging at Jamin’s balls until he was way too close too soon. He didn’t want this to end but everything tightened and his breath grew increasingly short.

The headboard was knocking against the wall but that didn’t make sense and then he heard a distinct whisper scream.

“Um, Thorg? Hurry up! Mike will be back any minute and I..”

Seriously? Jamin had zero time for this at the moment. “FUCK YOU ERIC!”

Jamin felt slightly bad about screaming at the man making this possible but who the fuck cares right now? He could hear Shane’s moans and it turned him on to no fucking end to know this was something Shane needed and that he wanted and that he risked so much to do. 

“Ohhhh. Fuck! Sh-Shane I’m gonna come,” said Jamin on a gasping breath. 

Shane’s only response was to grab Jamin’s hips flicking at his tip with his tongue and then sucking hard , doubling down on the fierce pace of his hand. 

And fuck. How was he supposed to hang on after that?

Jamin came with a strangled moan, jerking into the wet heat of Shane’s mouth. 

After what seemed like hours, he took a deep breath and looked down finding Shane grinning with his head leaning on his thigh.

“Hi.”

“Hi, honey.”

Shane giggled and kissed every part of Jamin he could reach on the way up to his lips. It was such a fucking turn on to suck his tongue into his mouth and taste himself. He pulled the younger man into his lap fully clothed and could feel Shane’s erection pressing into his belly. Jamin snuck his hand between them and into Shane’s pants. He felt himself start to harden again at the sound Shane made when he wrapped his hand around his cock. 

Shane broke away from Jamin with a gasp, “I don’t think we have time for that.” 

“Well. I don’t think it’s very fair.” Jamin whispered in Shane’s ear, “What about you?.”

Eric knocked on the door quietly but forcefully. “Guys we really need to get a move on.”

Shane whined a little and shook his head, “No. This was for you. It looks like I’m just going to have to take care of this in the shower later,” He reached down and squeezed what he could reach, “thinking of all the things I could do to that gorgeous ass. I’ll be all wet and soapy and moaning your na-”

Jamin cut him off with a searing kiss, stealing both of their breaths but Shane broke away quickly scrambling out of Jamin’s lap and tossing him his sweatpants. 

“Cover up before I take advantage of you all over again. Oh, and this is mine now. You’re never getting it back.” Shane picked up the shirt Jamin had been wearing and threw it over his shoulder.

Jamin shook his head and stood up pulling on his sweat pants. He reached out and laced their fingers together bringing Shane’s hand up to place a kiss on his knuckles. “I really don’t want you to go but I think you should before that PA has a stroke.”

Shane followed Jamin to the door laughing. They stopped for one last hug. Shane mumbled into Jamin’s neck “I expect some one-on-one time when we are both back home.”

Jamin kissed his temple and pulled back opening the door winking, “I’ll try to pencil you into my busy schedule but I think it will be a while before you get back. You got this Thorgy, don’t let them get to you.”

Shane smiled and shimmied his shoulders before hurrying down the hall to his room. 

Eric was standing there with the tape all ready to go. “Thanks for doing this, man. I really appreciate it.”

“It seemed really important to Thorgy. So, I figured it was worth it. I hope you know what you have there.”

“I think I’m starting to figure it out.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of ECMTY. I had so much fun writing it!!! Thank so much for the ladies who kept me going :))))

It turns out, Jamin is really bad at waiting to see what comes next. 

Jamin and Shane had agreed to meet up when they were both back in New York. The prospect of them as more used to scare the shit out of him. To be honest, Jamin was still scared he would fuck it all the way up somehow, but he had come to the conclusion it would be worth it. He really wants to see where all of this could lead.

However, true to form, Jamin tries to keep his expectations savagely realistic. 

When they were on the show, they were in a bubble. A bubble that forced intimacy by isolating them from the world at large. Of course, they would become closer. Of course, every little annoying trait of Shane’s would become adorable. But that didn’t mean their interactions meant the same thing to Shane. 

The further removed Jamin is from what happened in that hotel room the night he was eliminated, the more his confidence about the other man’s intentions wane. 

Jamin starts telling himself it was just a blowjob. It had happened before, many times. They always had incredible sex, and that would probably would not change. The two of them can get each other off but it didn’t mean they should find day jobs, move to the suburbs, and adopt 2.5 dogs. 

Or that is what Jamin had convinced himself of in the meantime.

Shane had other ideas. 

*

Jamin had been spiraling into a pit of despair and ice cream for about a month before his phone beeped on a random Thursday evening. He thought it was his sister letting him know about some nails he needed for an upcoming gig and let it go. 

Two hours later, he checked his phone. It was Shane. 

_I miss your face. Meet me tonight for a drink around 9??_

It was 9:15. Shit. 

Jamin dropped his phone twice trying to text back and pull his pants on at the same time. He laughed and cursed at himself loudly because clearly he was extremely fucking thirsty. 

_Ah! I just saw your text. Definitely need to catch up. Am I too late?_

Shane was probably already with his friends, throwing back shots, not even giving him a second thought.

Jamin’s phone lit up 30 seconds later. 

_Never._

The next text came almost immediately with an address. 

*  
When Jamin arrived at the dive bar Shane led him to, he finds the man sitting on a stool animatedly talking to the bartender. They are both laughing, loudly. Jamin is smiling before he can stop himself because that’s the sunshine effect Shane has on him and also because he’s what? Fucked.

Jamin walks up to the bar and sits down next to him. Shane turns and his face lights up. That anxious weight that had settled in Jamin’s chest the last few weeks falls into his stomach and turns into a bunch of huge fucking butterflies. 

“You made it!” Shane reaches for him, kissing him on the cheek and pulling him into fierce hug. 

“I made it.” Jamin sinks into the hug, making the most of the contact he’s been craving. 

Shane exhales deeply and sighs, “I’ve missed this.”

Jamin can feel him run his hands through the hair he has been growing out since he last saw him. The warmth that simple action provokes spreads through his body, lighting him up with confidence. He presses a kiss to Shane’s temple and replies way too fucking honestly, “I’ve missed you. So much.”

Shane sits back and lets his eyes roam over Jamin’s face settling on his lips. As much as Jamin would make out with him pretty much anywhere Shane is willing, he is painfully aware of the fact that the bartender has been wiping out the same glass for the last 5 minutes. Plus, he’s more than sure it would escalate past the point of public decency. 

Jamin puts about a foot of distance between them and clears his throat, “Can I get a beer or does this place just serve tetanus?”

Shane giggled “Bitch. It was the only place I could think of where we could talk about well you know” Shane gestured wildly in the air with his hands, and Jamin wasn’t sure if he meant them or Drag Race or the goddamn weather, “without someone we know breathing down our necks. Sadie can you get my friend a beer, please?”

“No problem, Thorg. Anything for you?”

“I’ll take another beer and bring us both a shot of Maker’s please. I think we might be celebrating something...kind of….maybe.” 

Shane giggled and Sadie moved off down the bar to get the drinks. 

Even though Jamin had pulled away, Shane hadn’t let go of his hands, “Sooo, how have you been?”

What a loaded question and a million responses run through Jamin’s mind: “Good. How are you?” “Why the fuck haven’t you called me before now?” “Better now that I’m with you”

But since unintentional honesty seems to be the theme of the night, Jamin settles for “Not so good actually. Um, it turns out I was looking forward to that text tonight a little too much.”

Jamin laughs to lighten the mood after he says it, but it still must have stung considering the tiny look of guilt that passes over Shane’s features. 

Shane laces their fingers together and squeezes, “I am sorry. Truly. Things did not go as well as I had hoped after you left. Then, I got back and I had to readjust to normal, everyday life. I had to get back into my gigs like I haven’t had this life-altering experience and it was so surreal, you know what I mean? That’s no excuse though. I know I should have texted you sooner but….I don’t know? I was also scared maybe things would have changed for you? We can just be friends. If that’s what you want. I’m totally cool with that but I really fucking like you and I mean _like you_ like you and it’s kind of terrifying but….”

Shane trailed off and looked at Jamin with wide eyes and suddenly he was back in that vomit-soaked alley. Shane definitely had nothing to apologize for when it came to the two of them. Jamin was the one who chose not to take this thing further. The other man was always putting out clear signals and Jamin chose to pretend like he didn’t know how Shane felt about him. Yet, here he is again trying to make something out of this intense pull between them. 

Jamin would like to use that old cliche “Can we start over?” but would he really start over with Shane if he had the chance? Even the messy parts of this friends-with-benefits thing they’ve had for years are precious to Jamin. He wouldn’t even want to change all of the times Shane was leaving and he desperately wanted to ask him to stay but his fear closed his throat up. Because he at least got to touch him and hold him and fuck him like he was his just for a little bit.

There was a minute when he still didn’t know if he could do it. Insecurities and doubt and logic were gearing up to let his heart have it. But then Sadie came back. She sat down their drinks and when Shane turned his head to thank her Jamin could see the tears threatening to fall. 

Nope.

He would not sit here paralyzed by the feelings he knows good and damn well are reciprocated while Shane is crying over him. His insecurities, doubt and logic can go fuck themselves. 

“Hey.” Jamin said softly. Maybe a little too softly because Shane didn’t turn back to face him. 

But then he realized he had heard him. Shane downed his whiskey and took a deep breath and then Jamin was the one struggling to hear his uncharacteristically subdued voice, “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Just need a minute to shove everything back inside.”

“Shane? Look at me.”

The other man took a shuddering breath, and turned back towards Jamin with a smile on his face, “What’s up?”

Jamin internally cringed, “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend like it’s okay for me to leave you hanging about my feelings for you. Because it’s not. Especially, when I feel the exact same way you do.”

“Really?”

Jamin rolled his eyes and smiled, “Yeah, really. I _like_ like you too and I think we should give us a shot.” 

Jamin could hear his heart pounding in his ears because there it all was. He had said it out loud, and there was no taking it back. He was proud of himself for finally letting Shane know how he felt, but looking at Shane’s face made him think twice. The fake smile was still there, and he was nodding but Jamin wasn’t so sure he was buying it. He just had to though. 

“Look. I know I haven’t always been as brave as you when it comes to all of this. I’m just going to ask you to trust me when I say you own my ass and you have for a long time.”

Shane giggled then and Jamin took it as a good sign. “Please give me a chance to prove how much you mean to me.” 

Shane let out a breath, leaned forward, and cupped Jamin’s cheek. His face broke into a bright, genuine smile, “Alright, then. Let’s do this.”

*  
Jamin had hoped his night would end like this, but he never thought it actually would. 

After finishing their beers, the two of them decided to walk back to Jamin’s apartment. The bar was filling up quickly with loud regulars taking advantage of the half price margaritas. They had a lot to talk about, and it was probably not the best idea to finish their conversation in a crowded public place. He wanted to ask about what happened when he left Drag Race or the tour that was coming up for both of them or the logistics of a possible relationship while they were both presumably touring the country, but as soon they crossed the threshold of his apartment they were all over each other. 

Jamin was currently standing against his front door, naked as the day he was born with Shane plastered to the back of him. He could feel the other man’s cock hard between them. Shane was trailing bruising kisses from Jamin’s shoulder up to his ear and back again and running his hands down his belly getting lower with each pass. 

It was always like this with Shane. He was always everywhere all at once, overloading Jamin’s senses in the best fucking way possible. 

Jamin was brought quickly back to the present when Shane finally reached his dick, stroking firmly and whispering in his ear, “I really want to fuck you against this door.”

He ground back into Shane and his voice cracked when he answered, “Take me then, because I am definitely not stopping you.”

Jamin lost the warmth at his back and the hand around his dick when Shane stepped back. The other man pulled backwards on Jamin’s hips and pressed down between his shoulder blades, bending him forward. 

“Perfect. Don’t move.”

Jamin scoffed. He meant to make a crack about where the fuck he would go, but he caught sight of the condom Shane sat on the entry table and heard the cap pop open on the bottle of lube he knows Shane carries with him everywhere in that godforsaken satchel. 

_You never know when you’re going to need it, girl._

He’ll give him that one because he has never been more turned on by how prepared the man is than at this moment. Jamin braces his forearms against the door, wiggles his ass, and spreads his legs a little bit more. 

“Trust me. I am not going anywhere.”

“Good.”

Shane grabs his ass then with one hand spreading Jamin open, and then runs two fingers of his other hand down to his entrance. He bends back over Jamin reaching around and grabbing his dick. Shane bites down on his shoulder and uses his lubed fingers to enter Jamin at the same time. Jamin groans at the dual sensation.

Shane begins stroking his length in time with his fingers, hitting that spot just right and he knows he’s not going to last long if this keeps up. 

“Jesus. Shit! Sh-Shane just fuck me or this is going to be over real quick.”

Shane chuckles and lets go of his dick. He kisses the spot he had bitten earlier. “Sorry. I didn’t realize you were that keyed up.”

Jamin is already breathing hard when he replies “I’m always that keyed up with you. Anyway, we’ve got all night. Plenty of time for foreplay.”

“Very true.”

This isn’t a romance novel but Jamin would be lying if he said he didn’t feel empty when Shane removed his fingers. He turns his head just in time to see him roll the condom on and lube up. Yes. He is definitely ready. It has been way too long. 

“Close your mouth or I’ll find something to do with it.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Later.” 

Jamin chuckles but shuts the fuck up when he feels Shane grab his hips lining himself up, and hissing in pleasure as he sinks into him. 

Shane leans down and grabs Jamin’s jaw pulling him into a sloppy kiss giving the other man time to adjust. He is a little bit larger than average but thick and it has been a while so Jamin is thankful. 

Jamin sucks on that sinful tongue and nods his head. Shane takes his cue and stands up snapping his hips into Jamin’s. He sets a fast pace with short, quick thrusts. Jamin can hear Shane moaning over the sound of their two bodies coming together. 

“I forgot how good you feel..mmmm” Shane is the one breathing hard now but Jamin is glad to hear it. He was not lying when he told Shane he was on edge already. Hearing the man behind him babble about how much he loves fucking him and how he missed this oh god he’s missed this is definitely not helping.  
He can feel him pick up the pace and Shane presses down in the dip low on Jamin’s back, changing the angle. 

He’s hitting that spot on the way in and out now making Jamin cry out. He’s almost shouting when he asks, “I’m so fucking close. Are you close?”

“Mmmhmm. Touch yourself, please.”

If he was with anyone else, Jamin would have been embarrassed about the whining, grateful moan that comes out of his mouth but it’s Shane. So, he lets it out and grabs his cock. 

A few good, solid strokes is all it takes. The orgasm that hits him is beyond words. Jamin is gasping for breath and pushes back into Shane one last time, clenching. He feels Shane’s last couple of strokes stutter out of rhythm and then he comes with a shout.

Jamin doesn’t even register that his ears had been buzzing until the world floods back in. He can hear a car door slam, and the sound of Shane gasping for breath and laying kisses across his back trying to catch his breath before he pulls out. 

Jamin finally stands up straight and reaches up stretching out his back. He is definitely going to be sore tomorrow but it was worth it. He feels Shane wrap an arm around his waist from behind and turns around raising up on his toes for a kiss. It is lazy and spent but full of the passion Shane puts into everything he does. Jamin pulls back and bops a kiss on Shane’s nose.

“Okay. I think I am in desperate need of a shower. Care to join me?”

“Always. But no funny business, bitch. I have to get my strength back.”

They join hands and Jamin leads him down the small hallway towards the bathroom. Turning around Jamin gives Shane a mischievous grin. 

“Unless you plan on showering with your clothes on, I make no guarantee.”

*

When Jamin had thought of what waking up with Shane would be like (and honestly he had been thinking of it a lot lately), he imagined waking up to the smell of coffee, and the sound of Brahms filtering peacefully throughout the apartment. He would pad into the kitchen and Shane would be sitting there with his dreads half-tamed, reading the arts section of the newspaper wrapped up in that huge fucking striped scarf with a gorgeous eye-crinkling smile on his face.

But the reality is, it’s Shane. Perfectly, imperfect Shane, and the man likes to keep him on his toes.

The morning after Jamin wakes up to the smell of coffee alright, but there is also the distinct smell of something charred underneath it. He can also hear some lilting, happy classical piece of music floating through the cracked bedroom door complimented by muffled cursing.

Working up the courage to find out exactly is going on in his kitchen, Jamin rolls out of bed, pulls on Shane’s pants, and makes his way down the hall.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Shane turns around quickly, dropping whatever he was furiously trying to clean on the counter behind him. “Good morning, handsome! Can I interest you in a blowjob that is in no way a distraction related to what may or may not have happened in this kitchen?”

“Don’t good-morning-handsome-guilt-blow-job me. What are you doing in here?”

Shane’s hands start flying wildly around his head trying to explain himself, “Well, I actually woke up early for once. I know! I can’t believe it either. I couldn’t fall back asleep and I didn’t want to freak you out if you woke up and I was just staring at you. Did you know how cute you are when you sleep? Because you are. So, I came in the living room and watched a couple of episodes of Chopped and got inspired to make you breakfast. But I-”

“Is that a fucking Hot Pocket burned to the bottom of my good skillet?”

“Maybe.”

Jamin let out a lovingly exasperated laugh. A few months ago, this would have sent him through the roof. The two of them would have immediately went Williams-Sonoma to replace the skillet, but today? All he can do is think about the effort Shane was putting into making this morning a little more special, and damn if it didn’t make his heart melt a little. 

“Are you mad? Are you ready to murder me? Well, I guess I deserve it but right when I was about to get my big break? Really?”

Jamin just shakes his head and laughs opening his arms, “C’mere, cuckoo bird.” Shane flings himself at Jamin peppering his face with kisses. “I’m not mad. I can replace the skillet. No big deal. I just can’t believe you tried to cook me breakfast.” 

Shane’s face is buried in the crook of Jamin’s neck and he can feel his smile. “Thank you for not killing me. I had a really good time last night and in the middle of the night and earlier this morning. I want to live long enough for a repeat performance.” 

Jamin kisses the top of his head, then lifts Shane’s chin so he can look at him. “So, you want to keep having a good time? Maybe even with our clothes on every now and then?” Jamin clutches his chest and gasps. 

Shane giggles and grins, “We look so good without our clothes on though...I don’t know. Are you asking me on an honest-to-god date?”

And he is, isn’t he? This is what Jamin wants more than anything. He wants to spend the night with Shane and take him out and buy him goddamn flowers and dance in the rain at sunset. It is absolutely ridiculous, and he can’t wait to do it all.

“Yep. Dinner, movie, drinks, dancing, whatever you want to do.”

Shane kisses him then. Long and hard. Jamin knows, without a doubt, he will definitely never get tired of those kisses. Shane pulls away and smiles, “It’s a date then”

Jamin kisses his cheek “Great! First, I’m going to make us some actual breakfast. Oh, I do have one question.”

Shane is already busy pouring them both a cup of coffee but turns around and smiles, “Yes?”

“Why did you try to cook a Hot Pocket on the stovetop?”

Shane winces, “Whatever you do, do not look in the microwave.”


End file.
